A few random ramblings as I sit at work for a 12 (at least) hour shift on this lovely, gray and dreary Saturday...today I'm going to try bullet points...

-I've started singing on the praise team at church. While I feel honored because I really respect our director as pretty much a musical genius, it also terrifies me. I'm a person who wants the truth, good or bad. Do I really believe someone is going to tell me whether or not I really suck? This is church singing, after all. Isn't the old motto to make a joyful noise? I want my noise to be joyful and pretty, and if I find out people are lying to me about sounding good, I'm going to get angry in the name of Jesus! Unfortunately, I need a lot of affirmation about certain things, and singing is one of them. I've never believed I was a musical talent. I can play the piano OK, read music well, and stay on pitch, but I never feel like it's "good enough." Oh well...there is always someone who is better. For now, I'll hold my mic with a death grip and smile. Maybe no one will notice if I end up on the wrong pitch. :) On a side note, as I type this, a Baptist hymnal and a praise and worship songbook lay to my left on my desk. I'm sure my co-workers who pass by wonder if we're gonna break out in a baptist church service today. I'll take the back pew for that, please.

-I'm still considering buying a home. I think the timing is right, but I'm worried about affording it. I've never really had to worry about money, and believe me, I know what a blessing that is. I've never owed money or had any kind of serious bills. I always pay things off and have no debt...so it's kind of killing me to think how much I'll owe each month. All of this worry would totally be solved if I found a suitable roommate. I'm praying my buddy from college gets a job up my way, but I'm not holding my breath. A lot of the good law jobs are closer to the city, and I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to commit to that commute! However, hopefully something will work out. I love the house, and it's on the street I've grown up on. Yeah, it's at the top of the driveway I currently reside at. I don't see a big deal with that. It will be MINE. Not Mom's or anyone else's. While I'm ready to be on my own again, I'm not totally ready to move away from my family and neighbors, so this seems like the perfect solution. Plus, fenced in backyard for a puppy if I'm ever brave enough to take that on!

-I'm considering dieting again. I got pictures back from a friend's wedding from last April where I was a co-maid of honor. I had lost a ton of weight and actually am OK with the way I looked in those pictures, which is a new concept for me. Anyway, even though I haven't gained a lot of it back, I'm not where I was, and there is another wedding coming up quickly! I hate diets, and I wish I could just learn to better control my eating, but food is SO FREAKING GOOD. Case in point, I ate pizza with the neighbors last night and totally overdid it...not even counting the cookies for dessert! And I'm about to eat the leftovers for lunch. So take that. I love food way too much. And hello? What is a good weekend without Mexican food and margaritas?? Please!

-My great aunt's been in the hospital this week. She's ninety freaking four years old. She's actually fine, but it's comical to hear the nurses come in and start talking as loud as they can to her thinking she's a feeble old lady. She patiently waits for them to finish and then calmly explains that she hears better than the average young person and doesn't need them screaming in her ear. So funny. She's in pain, but hopefully after Monday everything will be fixed and she'll go home. You would think that would seem good for me that I actually have a relative who lived over the age of 60, but of course, she's not blood related.

-Can we just talk about how the combination of Big Brother and Idol being on at the same time is ruining my life? While that may be a little dramatic, I am still trying to figure out how to watch all these shows. It's not bad enough that they come on virtually the same nights, 3 times a week, but at the same time too!!! Poor planning! I'm having to prioritize my DVR schedule, and that just ain't right! I'm currently watching Idol, Big Brother, Survivor, Project Runway, & Lipstick Jungle. I focus all my anger towards the writer's strike because it is there fault that Big Brother had to break their normal trend of being during the summer. Stupid writers and their greedy selves.

-I'm currently tired of work. It was a slow week, albeit a 4 day week, and now I'm here on a Saturday for half of an entire day. There are things I need to be doing! They all relate to my bulleted points I noticed. I need to be near a piano to make sure I'm learning the right notes for tomorrow, I need to catch up on recorded shows from this week, and I need to go by the hospital and see my aunt. In the words of Jessie Spano: "NO TIME, THERE'S NEVER ANY TIME!" That was a smart girl.

I'm hitting a wall of exhaustion currently. My eyes are squinty, and I would prefer to curl up in a ball under my cube. No one would know.