I'm Baaaaaaaack!

Contrary to what this entry might have you believe, I did not make a New Year's resolution to blog. I didn't make much of a New Year's resolution at all this year because they typically just make me feel like a complete failure by about February. But I do want to make some personal changes, and I thought I could document those here. Also, someone told me the other day that my Facebook statuses never failed to make him laugh, which surprised me...a lot, actually. It's true that I typically don't post a status unless it's important or funny to me, but I really didn't think they amused others that much. I don't know...maybe he was just over-intoxicated when he said that.

In any case...here are some personal "goals." NOT resolutions.

-Become a more out-going person: This is much easier said than done for me. It depends on who I'm around, the situation, my mood...a whole mess of things. I envy people are who are nice and out-going ALL the time, no matter who they are around or what the situation. I usually feel like a wall-flower...it's a social handicap. I think about the friends I have now that I've met in the past 2 years and how long it took me to really warm up to them. With the lessons I've learned about how quickly things and people can be taken away, I feel like it's wasting time to be shy. I have met some of the best of friends under some of the worst of circumstances. Days I would never want to see again but friends who I trust as much as those I've known for 20+ years. My life is not complete without real, lasting friendships, and the more deep relationships I can make, the happier I am. So why waste time being shy & introverted?

-Don't sweat the small stuff: I'm a worrier. I worry about absolutely everything. I try on a regular basis to stop worrying, but I haven't been very successful at it. My wonderful mom has talked me through so many situations that if I just let them play out, I would have realized what trivial matters they were that worked themselves out. This year, mostly near the end of the year, I began to realize that I have a real issue with sweating the small stuff. I worry over stuff that doesn't matter in the "big picture." I worry with money, my job, whether or not my dog is tearing up my house while I'm gone, and so much other silly stuff. I am tired of putting so much emphasis on money...even when I feel like I have extra money, it doesn't make my life any better than when I am stretching for pennies. I know a whole lot of people who I would consider "wealthy," but then I hear stories about their real lives, and I realize I'm so much better off. I'm kind of tired of living with the idea the "grass is always greener" mentality. It's time to be thankful for the blessings I have and realize that in the long run, very few things matter besides your personal relationship with God, earthly relationships with friends & family (and dogs), and everything past that is a moot point when all is said and done.

-Be a better friend: Sometimes I don't feel worthy of the amazing friendships I have. I feel like I take them for granted, even though I of all people should know by now how quickly life can be taken away. I hate the fact that sometimes I think in my head, "Wow, her hair looks really pretty today" or "he looks really nice in that outfit" and never say it out-loud to someone. What if that's the one statement that turns someone's really awful day into a decent day? What if they, like I have experienced many days, looked in the mirror and thought bad thoughts about their appearance and it totally started their day off on a awful note? I could be the one to turn it around, but they go on having their worst day ever because I didn't bother to say what I was thinking! Sometimes I also forget little details, half-listen, give half-hearted advice...all things I would never want a friend to do to me.

-Pray more and trust God like I should: It's been proven so many times. All you have to do is pray. But I don't...in fact, I will guiltily admit I've used it as a tool to fall asleep before. But when I really reach the end of my rope about something and finally decide to turn it over to God, it always ends well. My prayers are always answered, and I feel stupid for not having trusted God to help me sooner. I can't fix things by myself. I'm not sure how long it's going to take me to learn that lesson.

That's about it. 2009 wasn't a terrible year. For a lot of people it was a year of healing. For some people it was a year of struggles. Some people were able to bounce back from tough times. I've had better years, and I've had worse years. Here's to making 2010 your best year yet...and that's my ultimate "goal."